#28 blessed

" we said good night at half past ten -

at midnight we said good night again.

~ Lang Leav "

Short update! Life's been good recently and i have been updating more on my dayre actually so dayre.me/chinmy811 for more of my little updates and pictures and videos etc. hahaha 

Everyone experiences ups and downs from time to time and as much as i have had down periods in my life i believe i'm a really lucky dudette and i'm absolutely thankful for everything i have been given in my life - those that i have worked, and not worked for. To be honest we don't exactly get to choose everything in our lives, like how we don't get to choose which family we are born into. Some things just happen and some things just don't i guess. Fate, as cheesy as it sounds. So i often wonder how much i actually deserve to have everything i have now and why don't the less fortunate get the same? Do i really deserve to be where i am now? 
But fact is, I am where i am now. And i'm nothing but grateful for that :) 

Ok so enough of the life lessons HAHAHA let me feed this blog with some of my updates. (Probably lacking in pictures but owellz what to do)

Actually life has been pretty boring HAHAHA . Everyone else is working and meanwhile i'm home stuck to my bed till lunchtime and then glued to the tv till dinnertime hahaha. Occasionally having Jordan over so we will be glued to the tv together. Haha yeah nothing much. Wanted to work too but Mum says "Next time got more than 40 years to work you kanchiong for what!" LOL she just wants me to stay home and get ample rest (but gawd i have been getting so much rest i'm suffering from sleep-phobia) ((and i'm getting so so lazy now. And flabby. Of course.)) She promised 20 books in exchange for my agreement to not go out to work. So, deal. HAHAHA.

So i have been camping on my dramas but i watch until i sien also. And that is so rare because dramas are food for my soul, when do i ever complain about dramas. But, well well. And since i'm on this topicccc listen to this esp from 0:54 onwards omg i am IN LOVE with this instrumental the composer is genius <3 <3
And i'm also waiting for the arrival of my books i ordered from http://bookdepository.com/ :)) I'm so excited to read them please arrive quicklyyy

Also excited to know my subject combination hurry release them gdi i'll probably go read up once i receive the confirmed combi :) Which brings me to the part whereee

I got into D'MVMT!!!!

Never thought i'd actually feel excited about this but i'm actually really happy i got in hahaha. I've hesitated alot about joining D'MVMT because of the culture there and whether i'd fit in or not and also, about whether i wanted to actually continue dancing . Plus D'MVMT, that'll make up 12 years of dancing experience for me HAHAHA MORE THAN HALF OF MY GODDAMN LIFE HAHAHA. But i guess it's still something i like to do, especially with my babes <3 And i'll probably miss dancing and the stage if i didn't join D'MVMT :) BUTTT that's that and it's over now and i'm officially in D'MVMT already hahaha :') I'm super excited about the journey i'll have with this new family and i'm absolutely blessed to be given this opportunity . Hope we all have loads of fun in the months to come! <3

Sooo on the morning of my first D'MVMT prac i met up with old godsis Jia En because she wanted to do manicure HAHAHAHA WTH. And i got dragged in so i officially have baby blue goddamn nails which i so want to remove but cries for my $8 T.T It's too gay for me i need to cut down on gayness ohgod.

And Andrea came to join us for lunch and we talked about pasttimes together aww i miss those times i used to spend with these 2 pretties :') Anyw probably meeting them again coming thursdayyy, excited!

I am so blessed to still have these 2 babes :)

AND THIS is after D'MVMT training hahaha. Apparently they have this tradition of having dinner together after every training so dinnertime at KFC!

It was a refreshing first D'MVMT experience haha it's pretty different from what i used to do in EDS but it's a good different :) More fun to come!

My girlfriend looking pretty eyz ;) <3

Hmm what else. My dad's birthday was recently so we went out yesterday for good lunch and my mum bought my dad Dr. Martens office shoes cuz Dad is adamant about only wearing Dr. Martens (well she didn't actually buy it, we had vouchers HAHAHA WTH) so yes he has new shoes now yay it's pretty nice :) And i drew my dad a card which i'm not gonna post the picture becuz it's so childish i need some art skills omg buy me some please. I tried.

I shall end this update with today's stuff! 

This is my christmas present from my parents :")))) It's a little early i know but no harm right hahaha. They got me a new school bag, Paul Frank PJs, Jabra wireless earphones and a dream catcher which i wanted for so long hell yes <3 <3 <3 I am so so so blessed it's like everything i've ever wanted. Plus i'm not from a rich family alright and the things above are not cheap but they still got it for me what more can i complain :')) I so don't deserve these, but thank you Mummy Daddy thank you so much <3 <3

So i'm a blessed little girl who knows that i'll still experience bad times but i will remind myself that i'm already as lucky as lucky can get and nothing is ever perfect so we should all stay happy cos ultimately this is all we get, and we either feel shitty about it and sulk our whole life, or stay happy and make the best out of it :)

I am blessed to have my parents who love me unconditionally, to have Jordan, to have my babes, to have my friends who are still in my life after all this time, to have amazing opportunities, to have met amazing people who taught me so much, and even to have said goodbye to those who left me because they taught me who's worth it and who's not :) (not sarcastic i meant that)

I am blessed. I am.

And i'm so thankful.

P.S. but i still need some life HAHAHA i really do i am so bored. Yay for dance camp tomorrow hope it turns out good xD

#27 XIX.XI.XIV

" In a sea of strangers,

you've longed to know me.

Your life spent sailing

to my shores.

The arms that yearn

to someday hold me,

will ache beneath 

the heavy oars.

Please take your time

and take it slowly;

as all you do

will run its course

And nothing else

can take what only -

was always meant

as solely yours

~ Sea of Strangers, Lang Leav"

It's 19 Nov again ahahaha and every 19 Nov is a little different . Feels a little different each time . But yet all too familiar, like deja vu? 

Perhaps some things never change . Intriguing hmm .

SOOO i had a great day as usual, although it was pretty mundane but i just felt genuinely happy about everything today hahaha . It's the little things that count right ;)))

As usual i will do this in chronological order :)

Jordan came over in the morning and helped me pick out my clothes hahaha so now we know he likes things plain hmmmz . 

And i was supposed to help style his hair but got too lazy cuz *god knows how to style a guys' hair am i right i mean it kinda turns out the same??*

Then we went to Bedok Mall to try out the Green Dot! The food there is actually pretty good haha better than i thoughttt so go check it out! :D http://www.greendot.sg/

Jordan had the Herbal Noodles and i had their Laksa! Both are pretty good hehehe so we had a good meal :))

But it was terrible hahaha we met 1001 dunmanians there no joke wow Bedok is such a dunmanian place . We saw George, Weijie and Kaibin together and it was pretty cute hahaha :p And then we saw Ms Soh omg Jordan predicts future everyone . And we met random dunmanians also like those that we don't actually know personally and some others that didn't see us haha thank god. Bedok is bad oh gosh.

But good meal. So it's not bad. Kill me now go ahead.

And thenn we went to "secret activity" wow HAHAHA Jordan didn't tell me where he was bringing me at first but turns out we went tooooo

We're The Furballs (WTF)

https://www.facebook.com/wearethefurballs this is the only website i can find hehe

It's basically just like a dog cafe and sorts and you just go there and play with the doggies hehe they're adorbs  <3  <3  <3 (you get a free drink too yay)

This was on the bus trip there :)

he was spamming the shots so i was judging him

But it was actually pretty weird though cuz there were like a lot of people (social phobia hmm) and the place is quite small and there were only 5 dogs there today? So idk it was pretty awkward ^_^" And everyone was like desperately trying to grab a dog it's actually quite sad cuz i think the doggies should be let to run around :( But owell.

So Jordan and me just sat at a corner and chilled out watching the dogs roam around the small room and i watched the music videos playing on the tv there (Y) Occasionally petting the dogs when they pass by yepyep. 

You can actually stay there the whole day but the awkward level was rising cuz the crowd just gets worse and all so we left pretty early haha

Well it was a new experience! :p Just pray that there won't be a crowd if you decide to give it a go haha i think then it'd be funnn :)

this is irrelevant but i really love pugs omg get me a pug and i will love you forever

So since we sorta underrun our schedule we decided to go to the airport to chill and then have dinner before going home hehe :p

chilling at the viewing gallery xD

We wandered about and took 10 centuries to decide what to eat hahaha but had a great meal ultimately and talked alot too ^^

OKOK NEXT

THIS . Haha i really need to narrate this story omg tytytyty . So right before we went for dinner we saw this cushion pillow thingy that feels like beans inside but it's not i think it's buckwheat or smth i cannot remember and i really really love it. It's like the kind of cushion you had when you were a little baby? :') I actl first saw it at tampines and have been contemplating for many weeks now on whether to get it cuz it's not cheap >< But it's just really cuteee and comfyyy but then i have no use for it i mean it's supposed to aid sleeping but it's not like i have problems sleeping HAHAHA. So i convinced myself that i shouldn't get it boohoo but yknow *honestly still bothered by it* HAHA. So today we came across it againnn and i was struggling so bad on whether to get it HAHAHA yeah la i suck i know but it's so lovableee and there're more designs than at tamp!!! :')

But then againnn i convinced myself to not buy it haha i mean honestly i don't actl need it and my bed is already so crammed there's no more space to sleep, buying another pillow is so not helping hahaha. So sad Chinmy leaves sad pillow and continued sad life.

BUDDENNNN LOOOK I HAVE IT NOW AAAAAHHH :")) AND THE STORY GOES LIKE

When we were waiting for our food Jordan said he needed to shit so he went and shit but he actl didn't go and shit and he went to buy the pillow for me HAHAHA and then he hid it well and only gave it to me when we reached my house ermahgahd shit hahahaha i was really really happy and i swear my face was shock-was-an-understatement. I mean what happened to shitting HAHAHA. But turns out he really needed to shit so he went to shit after sending me home this is so not a romantic story because of the shitting HAHAHA. But okok down to business i was really happy and toucheddd ahaha i really didn't expect that and i was getting over my pillow already but omg haha shit i really didn't expect that idek what to say hahaha

BUT THANK YOU JORDAN THANK YOU 1000 TIMES I WILL BE REALLY NICE TO YOU

I REALLY REALLY LOVE THE PILLOW IT'S SO SO CUTE  <3  <3  <3

I WILL MAKE SPACE FOR IT DON'T WORRY WORSE COME TO WORSE IT WILL SLEEP ON MY FACE

THANK YOU SOO MUCH HAHAHA MUCH <3ssss

this is officially one of the best things you have ever done for me

Ok i'm done w all my crap hahaha so i'm a happy girl today with a happy pillow 8D Do go check out the Green Dot it's really not too bad haha but personal preference alright yay have a great night everyone! Be happy toooo cos we all deserve it x

P.S. i haven't conditioned my hair in a million years i really need to start conditioning if not all my hair is gonna rot hahaha maybe not

#25 week of lovelies

" When words run dry,

he does not try,

nor do I.

We are on par.

He just is,

I just am,

and we just are.

- He and I, Lang Leav "

HAHA spent a full whole week (okay no it was like 4-5 days) with peeps and had fun overnight stays yayyy xD 

Regina came over on monday and stayed over at moi house and we were trying to study chinese but what is chinese wow it was much productive HAHAHA and we listened to chinese songs and stuff hoping that it would help or something but no shit HAHAHA
And then we went to school together for Os and p.s. Os was horrible tell me i'm not alone oh god . But whatever it's over amen HAHA

And then she stayed for another night and we watched Commitment that stars T.O.P . Well he's pretty cute in that show but the subtitles sucked so much we hardly knew what the show was talking about hahaha was falling asleep half the time and the other half laughing at Regina's random shrieks when someone died or smth HAHA CUTE ALERT xD Oh yes then after that we just died on the bed yay 

Woke up at 8:30am the next day and Regina woke up 10mins later i was so proud of her hahaha early Regina (Y)

pardon our faces oh god we literally just woke up this is no joke

Then we had breakfast and watched youtube videos and bla and then left home to meet the rest of the girls for chalettttt :DD

The chalet was fun omg we talked soooo much nyeheheheh and we played lotsa games tooo xD Ate cup noodles cos lazy am i right . 

This was when we went for our midnight walk to downtown east to buy supper hahaha we bought so much bread it's crazy . I'm a bread monster now

Breakfast at midnight baby

Our talking episodes late into the night

Yep there you have it. Sleepyfaces98

Jocelyn and Shaoyi already died in the room next door hahaha

This is goddamn embarassing omg thanks to gay Gerry .

*Geraldine's wish come true*

But it was really funny cuz Tiffany Tan is such a natural comedian we couldn't do our faces in peace i don't even know but hahaha it was funnn ❤

Oh yeah and we were singing (screaming actually) all the way till the sun rose and sorts ahhh so romantic am i right HAHAHA we have angelic voices everyone #goodtimes

Most of us didn't sleep at all and this was when Jocelyn Yeo and Shaoyi finally woke up hallelujah .

Geraldine was taking a short nap and we literally woke her up for 5 seconds to take a picture HAHAHA explains her face and hair

(actl just Regina, Glenda, TIffany and me didn't sleep . The rest slept a little . Joce and SY slept like logs .)

YES and all in all it was really funnn and i love these girls much and we know too much about each other now to separate alrightttt nyeheheheheh . The loss of sleep was so worth it but we were so dead tired after that Glenda was so drunk no joke hahaha and our faces were horrifying like where are mah eyes man . And i still had to attend my class chalet after that (i wish i could say yay)

I was really contemplating to not go at all omg i feel so sorry but i was really tired everything felt so surreal hahaha. But then i had to facilitate a station in their amazing race game so i had to goo :p 

Here are some pictures at the various stations of the game! 

They had to form the letter C!

My class cute not HAHAHA

But i felt super bad cuz it started raining and then on their way to my station they all got wet and sorts and then i think everyone felt sien idk :(( And then we didn't have time to do the last station which was the most fun oneee well yeah :/ Felt bad so Alicia, Michelle and me bought food and drinks for them to make up for the last station and hopefully to heighten their spirits a little ._." I guess it was okay after that! *meanwhile Chinmy was still dying of sleepiness*

We went back to the chalet for bbq and it sucked at the beginning cuz it was drizzling so it was hard at first and someone was making life difficult for abit but neverminddd hahaha . So a few of us started the bbq and Zuohao is a fat ass cuz he puts so much butter on everything and everything looked so oily after that it was so funny but cuz that was his only job so he was doing his job SO WELL or smth hahahaha it was pretty fun outside bbq-ing but lack-of-sleep-chinmy was about to collapse soon hahaha . After that we switched roles so Konghong Jinhui and Jinyang went out to bbq and we could rest most of the time after that (Y) 

But i swear 4Cs are just dirty asses HAHAHAHA the chalet was like in a mess yknow the perfect environment to breed ants and cockroaches and really there was so much ants everywhere how did they even sleep like that the prev night o_o So we did some cleaning up before actually sitting down omg

This was when i could truly sit down to grab a bite weeee

Then yeah after that i just sat down most of the time and talked to Junjie and some others and Ms Soh camee hehe :D

Not the whole class is there but yepp :))

I was supposed to sleep over there but cuz most of the girls weren't going to and idk i just didn't really feel like it haha so i called my dad and he came to pick me at 10+pm or smth haha :)) Feel bad though cuz then i couldn't help clean up the place the next morning but well let's have some faith in the 4Cs HAHAHA .

Sooo overall didn't bond much w the 4Cs actually D: I mean i was tired and i didn't join em on the first day (cuz i was with my 9babes) and i just didn't really feel like talking cuz - . But i will remember you guys! 

Went home and had a really good sleep like omg it has been years since i slept so long gdi :p Thank you everyone above for the memories!! Have a great great great life ahead ❤





P.S. had lotsa uhm thoughts lately but hanging out with the girls really made me feel better i never thought it would happen this way soo thank you so much Jocelyn, Regina, Shaoyi, Kailin, Geraldine, Glenda, Nicolle and TIffany ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤ (ahem look at the order of the namesss and guess who's the oldest huhhh) HAHA should i have dedications at the end of this year hmm lemme think about it hehehe



photo credits to Evelyn's camera
❤

#24 就这一次 自私可以吗？

不能活得  不自私吗？

人类 天生自私。再不自私的人 也还是会有自私的时候。或许自私不是问题吧，是什么时候 该有什么样的自私 才是我们总解不开的 迷惑。

我就老是被这样的迷惑给困扰。真心，非常真心，的希望 我身边所有的人都能无比幸福。我希望他们不难过、不受伤、不疲惫。那，我是不是应该不去在乎自己的 难过、受伤、疲惫呢？

是不是牺牲 也没关系呢？

是我的幸福重要，还是他人的幸福重要？是我的笑容该被珍惜，还是他们的笑容该被爱惜？是我的不快乐惨，还是他们的难过较悲哀？或许 根本就不能这样衡量。可是在下决定之前 难免会有这样的想法啊。

我深信 要活得 忘己。也相信 我是为别人而活的。我相信 让别人的快乐建立在自己的痛苦上 是应该的。尤其  是我爱的人。

可是 我还是会有 想自私的时候。我还是会自私的希望 有别人的关心，爱惜，和在乎。当陷入谷底的时候，还是会希望某人，任何一个人，的 “ 你还好吗？” 。我知道 我的快乐并不是他们的责任。更知道 他们没有理由一定要关心我。可是，人都是自私的嘛， 是吧？
人 都会希望自己能够快乐， 对吧？
所以 我也不例外啊。我。。。也会痛、也会难过、也会受伤。我也会有沉默，但又需要陪伴的时候。你们感觉得到的 我也会有那样的时候啊。

不能不忘 我也是人吗？

我经常会对自己承诺 一定要当谁谁谁的靠山。一定要帮甲解决难题，一定要守在乙的身边，一定要陪丙度过难关，等等  等等。我不想让他们自己经历痛苦。因为 那是我对自己的承诺。
也因为我知道  孤单 太可怕。

有时，我还会很白痴地去想象 会不会也会有人 为我许下这样的承诺？
请注意：这里的重点是   我 很 白 痴。
我不该期待的。也不改奢望，不该贪心。可是，可悲的，我  也自私了。

那，  我的 “休息站” 呢？

我的 “不要紧” 很不幸的 不一定真心。
口是心非 难免吧？说不出口，不能说出口，和不想说出口的，是我的语言。藏在心里的 都快满的装不下了。虽然 藏在心里是有原因的，可是 很贱的 还是会希望有人尝试让我打开心房，还是会希望 有人接受我所有的秘密 和所有的不快乐。而其实希望的 是有人在乎我的想法，我的情绪。
看吧，又自私了。
很受不了人的欲望，可是 自己也陷进去了。

被忘记 是痛的。
其实，人在最幸福的时候 是最自私的。因为笑容会让你盲目，让你看不到该看到的，让你忘记 不该忘记的。有过吧？被身边人忽视的时候？在之前的 post 我就有谈到忘记是必然。可是，我还是会被 “忘记” 伤害。唉。。我是有多可悲啊？人的情绪真的是很复杂，老跟我过不去。
大家 不要忘 好吗？不要忘记别人的好、不要忘记那些爱你的人、不要忘记所有幸福的曾经 和曾经里的 那些人。我们不要自私，不要自己幸福过 就算了。如果不能回馈那些快乐，那至少把他们守在回忆里，当作是报答曾给过你温暖的那些人。
因为其实 不被忘记也可以是一个 很棒的  回礼。

一个人的慷慨 会换来另一个人的自私。慷慨  到什么限度？自私  有止境吗?
我保护得 值得吗？我尽力得 有收获吗？

那  我可不可以自私一次？
可不可以  让我累一次？